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|Map segment by Dyson Logos, with some edits|
Room 4: Pasteurization Room
This large hexagonal room is warm and somewhat humid. Faint snoring can be heard.
Two small firepits with half-full cauldrons of milk stand in the room. Sleeping on a cot propped up on several milk crates is an old woman named Noya (1 HD). She is responsible for pasteurizing milk that is not intended for making into cheese, and knows only rumors about the rest of the Fromagerie - she finds the dungeon rather bewildering.. She is perhaps the Wizard's oldest friend.
The goblins have been firmly warned not to harm her. So ... they talk to her. And even though she is a simple woman who grew up on a dairy farm - her knowledge of simple things like animal husbandry is wondrous to the goblins. Any random encounters in this room has a flat 50% chance of being goblins.
Should the PCs seriously hurt or kill Noya, the goblins will unite and do their best to kill the PCs (and will not fight fair). This will also greatly anger the Wizard.
There is no treasure in this room besides Noya's simple belongings.
Leading out of this room is an unlocked metal bar door to the south (Room 3), as well as opening to the north of the room, heading east to room 5
Room 5: The Chapel
Overview: A small hexagonal room. The walls are covered with cheap plaster facades
painted grey and styled to resemble gothic arches and buttresses. An old, ratty Persian
carpet sits in the center of the room. Near the southeast wall is a cracked plaster altar
with a green cloth on top. Near the northeast wall is a statue of a bishop made out of
cheese, with most of its head missing. The whole room is filled with a nauseating smell
resembling cigar smoke and rotting fruit.
Altar: A plaster altar with large cracks on the side. Lying on top is a green cloth with the
phrase “Make the holy man’s chest shatter/to unlock the key to the platter”. The altar is
hollow; hidden inside is the Cados Censer, an enchanted incense censer. If cheese is placed
inside the censer, then the censer starts to produce a nauseatingly strong stinky cheese smell,
while the cheese slowly crumbles into ash.
Bishop Statue: The source of the horrible smell, this statue is carved out of Stinking Bishop
cheese. Soft Cheese goblins occasionally take small chunks from it to annoy the Hard Cheese
goblins with, throwing it at their territory. The Green Keese is inside the statue’s chest. While
not difficult to get out, the real challenge lies in the smell. Besides being intense and unpleasant,
the smell lingers on whoever touches the cheese, making stealth near-impossible and attracting
wandering creatures unless washed off.
The room can be exited via stairs leading up to the north (leading to a corridor and eventually to room 9), to the southwest to room 4 or to the north west to room 6.
Room 6: The Vault
This hexagonal room is roughly 50' across and is secured by heavy iron doors. These iron doors are locked by a lock with an unusual opening - a white bordered slit - that sit on the outside frame of the door, they will open when the matching Keese (white) is placed within it. They cannot be opened from the inside.
This room contains a wide variety of rare and strange cheese that The Wizard wanted to hold onto. The walls are lined with stone pedestals holding crystal cloches, locked down with more colored slits, with the wondrous cheeses below them. Each cloche is extremely tough, and labeled with a small note, scribbled in faint handwriting, that lists the name of the cheese (bold text in the description)
The Western Wall
- The first cloche is locked by purple slits and contains 1d8 bites of Fire Cheddar. Taking a bite out of this block of cheddar causes 1d4 fire damage, but allows the eater to breathe a 15' cone of fire once within the next 8 hours. The cone of fire deals 4d8 damage.
- The second cloche is locked by blue slits and contains a Platter of Many Cheeses. The platter contains 1d12 bite-sized cubes of various magical cheeses, Roll 1d6+1d8 below for each bite.
1. The Universe implodes in Deliciousness. All is Cheese. 2. Tastes like Plastic. Turn into a lifeless statue of inedible yellow cheese that no one likes. 3. Holey. Gain tons of strange holes all over your body. any mundane attack that hits you has a 1 in 6 chance of passing through you, causing no harm. 4. Smelly and Delicious. You now strongly smell of delicious cheese, all creatures within 30' automatically detect you and you have a higher likelihood of drawing creatures in random encounter rolls. 5. Soft and Spreadable. Your body becomes smooth and squishy, gain the ability to squeeze through spaces as small as 1". Shrink down to the space of a 2'x2' box if fully liquid. 6. Nutty. Gain an Insanity 7. Spicy. You gain the ability to cough a small bolt of fire once per day, dealing 3d4 damage on hit. Your nose constantly smokes. 8. Sour. Your lips begin to pucker up so quickly and painfully that it threatens to destroy your very existence. Make a con save or pucker yourself into another dimension. 9. Sweet. Gain a level. 10. Smokey. Every time you perform any particularly exhausting activity, roll a con save or spend the next 1d4 minutes coughing up smoke. 11. Maggoty. A small swarm of flies will burst out of your skin in 1d4 days. You can control them as Mage Hand. 12. Winey. You are now permanently intoxicated. 13. Rich. 1d20 days after eating this cheese, you will defecate a diamond worth 500 GP. 14. Complex. Roll Twice, and take both effects. Ignore this roll if it comes up again.
- The third and final cloche along the left wall is locked by green slits and contains a small sack of 1d20 Treasure Cheese, they appear as coins made of various cheese. After eating one, it turns into 1d100 gold coins in your gut. Roll a con save to puke them up. If it generates more than 50 coins, take 1 damage for every two coins.
The Eastern Wall
- The first cloche is locked by yellow slits and contains 1d4 Maxirella Balls. Appearing as small balls of white soft cheese. If a liquid such as a potion or poison is poured onto one of these balls, it will maximize the effects when the cheese ball is eaten. If a ball is eaten raw, it will extend any temporary magical effect that is currently affecting the eater by a day.
- The second cloche contains 1d8 small white rats and is locked by orange slits. The wizard keeps them here because he finds them amusing. They keep themselves fed with a small piece of cheese in the back of their cloche. This cheese magically regenerates every night at midnight, assuming it is not entirely eaten. The rats are trained not to finish it off.
- The third and final cloche is locked by red slits contains 1d4 B-Side Brie Balls. Appearing as small balls of black soft cheese. If a liquid such as a potion or poison is poured onto one of these balls, it will invert or otherwise corrupt the original effect when the ball is eaten. If a ball is eaten raw, it will irreversibly corrupt some aspect of the eater.
The Northern Wall
- The Back Wall contains only one cloche containing a single cheese: The Mother Cheese. The Mother Cheese squirms and pulses underneath its cloche, locked by black slits. This Keese Card is held by the wizard and if unlocked, the Mother Cheese will pounce on the nearest adventurer.
If an adventurer touches The Mother Cheese, they will irreversibly turn into cheese and absorb The Mother Cheese, it will not naturally be seen for centuries longer. This effect repeats on anyone who attempts to eat the poor Cheese-Touched adventurer. Their skin will bubble into a patchwork of every cheese they have ever eaten and the transformation will be complete. If the adventurer rolls a successful magic save, they will retain their mobility, sentience, and all other aspects of living (minus being made out of cheese) and gain a level of The Cheesen One class, detailed below.
The Cheesen One
Deepen: Gain 10 XP for every unique cheese eaten. Cure: Incurable. Eat yourself to death. A: Cheese-Touched, Cheese-Munity B: Cheese-Mutation C: Cheese-Bringer
Cheese-Touched: You have been turned into the Cheese-Champion of the Cheese-Goddess. Everything (non-cheese) you touch is cursed to turn into a random type of cheese you have eaten. If an object is sufficiently large enough not to be completely turned, then it extends out to 1'. You can no longer eat anything but cheese, wear functional armor (that isn't made out of cheese), use any items or weapons (that are not cheese), or ever touch anything that is not immediately cheesed. If you touch someone, they take 1d4+Level damage as part of them turns to cheese.
Cheese-Munity: You are immune to Cheese-Harm, whether magic, poisonous, or mundane. Cheese-Boons still apply.
Cheese-Mutation: You now have control over what kind of cheeses you turn things into, it is still limited to cheeses you have previously eaten. This means, among other things, that you can use items, armor, and weapons, assuming you have eaten a cheese that can mimic their intended properties (hardness, flexibility, etc.)
Cheese-Bringer: You can spread your Cheese-Mutation effect at a rate of 1' per second, you no longer need to touch something to transmute it, your damage when touching someone becomes a save or die effect. No one can stop you now.
(note from editor: of course a glooger would find a way to sneak in a new GLOG-class...)
There are no other exit to this room, except an ancient vent, about 2 by 2 feet, covered by a very rusty grate, located on the south-west wall. This vent connects to a series of crawl spaces (see Room 3). A corridor south of the vault runs east to west.
Room 7: The Golem Workshop
The Western Wall
The Eastern Wall
The Northeastern Corner
The Southwestern Corner
A Note on Keese Cards and Power Cores
What was the Wizard's last Utility Program? (1d6)
- Haul, the golem will pick up the target and move them randomly about the dungeon.
- Clean, the golem will relentlessly clean the target
- Companionship, the golem will immediately return to the dining room (room #10) and begin pretending to eat (read as shoving cheese into its face and making a mess)
- Corrupted Program: golem gains mock sentience as a wild beast, cannot speak, will immediately try to escape the dungeon.
- Dig, the golem will dig out new dungeon space wherever the target commands it to
- Worker Bot, the golem will be of a random job position listed in room #2 and #17
What Golem Molds are laying around? (1d12)
- Caterpillar Tracks (Legs), golem moves at half speed but can ignore difficult terrain
- Fins (Legs), the golem cannot move on land but can move at full speed in liquids
- Spider (Legs), the golem can walk on walls and other vertical surfaces at half speed, twice as creepy looking.
- Normal (Legs)
- Drill (Arms), the golem can no longer pick stuff up but has a drill attack that does 1d10 damage
- Cannon (Arms), the golem can no longer pick stuff up but can fire a cheese wheel cannon (determine randomly from room #18), must be reloaded manually as the golem cannot do so.
- CheeseWeb (Arms) can fire a cheese web of melted moon cheese to restrain foes or grab items from afar, causes everything it touches to get super sticky and gross.
- Shield (Arms), the golem can use its action to protect nearby creatures, redirecting any attack at them to itself.
- Normal (Arms)
- Hollow (Chest), has a hollow space to be filled up with various things such as loot or explosive cheese wheels, has -1 HD.
- Normal (Chest)
- Normal (Head)
Leaving this rooms are door to the north and south.
Room number: 8 The Boringkaas
Details: A large drilling machine is against the south-western wall, built to expand the dungeon. Old and rusted, needs combustible material and some oiling, but then could be started and used to drill a 5ft gap through walls. Loud and belches fumes. Takes at least three PCs to move, or a pair of subverted cheesemaker golems. Stairs will be difficult terrain for the wheeled machine. The movement of the machine is not automated (the wheels are not powered), only the drilling is.
Not very noisy when rolled around, but super noisy when used. (random encounter triggered). If used recklessly, will anger the Wizard.
Leading out of the room is a corridor heading north to Room 7, and corridor heading east to Room 3