A new Familiar: The Potato

 Familiars are an important part of some D&D rule-sets (they are sorely lacking in the GLOG...*) and can be a fun and very useful addition to a party.  

5e, 2nd ed and other editions had lists of "regular" familiars people could take:  cat, raven, crab etc etc etc.  But I have realized that these lists are all missing an *excellent* form for a familiar:  the Potato.

Here is why:

1: No plant based familiar

2: Something people are familiar with, it's plausible.

3: SUPER stealthy.  Who suspects the potato?

4: EXCELLENT guard - due to all its eyes, the Potato familiar has 360 vision. (but see point 7...)

5:  Yes it has poor speed, but it can burrow.

6: In a pinch, the potato can be used as a weapon and hurled at your foes.

7: The potato makes for an excellent bribe for certain foes, esp goblins (this makes the potato a poor choice to spy on goblins).

8: in a pinch, the potato can be used to make a meal.

9: It cannot fly, but it will not get sucked into a jet engine. (thank you Dice and Doggos for that crucial contribution)

10:  It can be used as a battery to power high tech devices or perhaps used as a magical focus (autographedcat came up with this one)

11:  Significant RP potential.

That's a lot of utility for a simple familiar!  

Now  you might say "ok sure, it's the best regular familiar, but surely it doesn't beat the improved familiars like the imp".  And yes, you would be 100% correct.  To be in the same class as the imp, you need a turnip.  Why?  I have said too much already... 

*edit:  about that, I've been a bit out of touch from the GLOG-sphere so maybe there are several ones now out there, I thought I should note that.  Also, some have asked me to generate rules for familiars in the GLOG and that is harder than in looks, since spells are "entities" of sort in the GLOG magical theory, so a find familiar spell may not make sense.  A familiar in the GLOG would be something different...

Angels and Devils, Birds and Bats

 Ok.  Why do angels have bird wings, and devils bat wings?  This is a quite consistent depiction in art etc.  Why is this, what is going on?

From Memoirs of Bartholomew Fair ... Fourth edition", p 104, 1892

I have been pondering this for some time, and a sort of revelation came to me.  The situation is complex, but it can be boiled down to a simple fact:

Angels are birds.   Devils are mammals

Why is this significant.  And what *are* birds, really?  Birds are dinosaurs (seriously, look it up). 

Angels are the survivor of the meteor impact. They are a hyper advanced civilization, watching earth from far above in their sky-cities, the heavens if you will.  They have existed for millions of years, as they achieved *stability* - they do not change, they are "sustainable".  Maintaining the Status Quo, the Divine Order, is paramount.

Once the dust from the great meteor strike settled (if it was a meteor strike...), mammals became somewhat dominant on earth. The bird-angels became curious about this new form of life - advanced, but still nowhere near as advanced as they, of course -  and did some experiments. They created the devils, as a lark perhaps.  Gave them bat wings.  For a time, the devils lived in the sky cities in small numbers, slowly growing, seen as "lesser" than the Angels.

With time, humans eventually came to the scene.  The angels grew concerned - intelligent mammals, not under their control?  Could they become rivals?

So they started instructing them in "morals".  As Nietzsche pointed out, this morality was a "servant"  morality.  Not suitable for leadership.  Designed to control the humans.

The mammal-devils were horrified - they felt kinship with these humans.  They wanted to instruct the humans about freedom, self-determination.  They started agitating. 

The bird-angels were offended and cast the traitor devils out of their celestial bases; and started warning humans about not trusting the devil's words - their temptation would lead them to perdition.  But if humans were "good" they would go to the "heavens" - a lie, of course.

Preposterous some of you may say... BUT:  Who is said to be our secret rulers?

Lizard people. And lizards have the same origin as birds... it's an other conspiracy with a small nugget of truth inside. ;)