A new Familiar: The Potato

 Familiars are an important part of some D&D rule-sets (they are sorely lacking in the GLOG...*) and can be a fun and very useful addition to a party.  

5e, 2nd ed and other editions had lists of "regular" familiars people could take:  cat, raven, crab etc etc etc.  But I have realized that these lists are all missing an *excellent* form for a familiar:  the Potato.

Here is why:

1: No plant based familiar

2: Something people are familiar with, it's plausible.

3: SUPER stealthy.  Who suspects the potato?

4: EXCELLENT guard - due to all its eyes, the Potato familiar has 360 vision. (but see point 7...)

5:  Yes it has poor speed, but it can burrow.

6: In a pinch, the potato can be used as a weapon and hurled at your foes.

7: The potato makes for an excellent bribe for certain foes, esp goblins (this makes the potato a poor choice to spy on goblins).

8: in a pinch, the potato can be used to make a meal.

9: It cannot fly, but it will not get sucked into a jet engine. (thank you Dice and Doggos for that crucial contribution)

10:  It can be used as a battery to power high tech devices or perhaps used as a magical focus (autographedcat came up with this one)

11:  Significant RP potential.

That's a lot of utility for a simple familiar!  

Now  you might say "ok sure, it's the best regular familiar, but surely it doesn't beat the improved familiars like the imp".  And yes, you would be 100% correct.  To be in the same class as the imp, you need a turnip.  Why?  I have said too much already... 

*edit:  about that, I've been a bit out of touch from the GLOG-sphere so maybe there are several ones now out there, I thought I should note that.  Also, some have asked me to generate rules for familiars in the GLOG and that is harder than in looks, since spells are "entities" of sort in the GLOG magical theory, so a find familiar spell may not make sense.  A familiar in the GLOG would be something different...

Angels and Devils, Birds and Bats

 Ok.  Why do angels have bird wings, and devils bat wings?  This is a quite consistent depiction in art etc.  Why is this, what is going on?

From Memoirs of Bartholomew Fair ... Fourth edition", p 104, 1892

I have been pondering this for some time, and a sort of revelation came to me.  The situation is complex, but it can be boiled down to a simple fact:

Angels are birds.   Devils are mammals

Why is this significant.  And what *are* birds, really?  Birds are dinosaurs (seriously, look it up). 

Angels are the survivor of the meteor impact. They are a hyper advanced civilization, watching earth from far above in their sky-cities, the heavens if you will.  They have existed for millions of years, as they achieved *stability* - they do not change, they are "sustainable".  Maintaining the Status Quo, the Divine Order, is paramount.

Once the dust from the great meteor strike settled (if it was a meteor strike...), mammals became somewhat dominant on earth. The bird-angels became curious about this new form of life - advanced, but still nowhere near as advanced as they, of course -  and did some experiments. They created the devils, as a lark perhaps.  Gave them bat wings.  For a time, the devils lived in the sky cities in small numbers, slowly growing, seen as "lesser" than the Angels.

With time, humans eventually came to the scene.  The angels grew concerned - intelligent mammals, not under their control?  Could they become rivals?

So they started instructing them in "morals".  As Nietzsche pointed out, this morality was a "servant"  morality.  Not suitable for leadership.  Designed to control the humans.

The mammal-devils were horrified - they felt kinship with these humans.  They wanted to instruct the humans about freedom, self-determination.  They started agitating. 

The bird-angels were offended and cast the traitor devils out of their celestial bases; and started warning humans about not trusting the devil's words - their temptation would lead them to perdition.  But if humans were "good" they would go to the "heavens" - a lie, of course.

Preposterous some of you may say... BUT:  Who is said to be our secret rulers?

Lizard people. And lizards have the same origin as birds... it's an other conspiracy with a small nugget of truth inside. ;) 

The problem with 5e? ... it's best feature.

 So people have been grumbling about 5e.

(tl,dr:  advantage is great!  but it has consequences - the players engage less. A proposal to fix it)

I think 5e is a good game.  But like all versions of D&D, it's not perfect.  Compromises had to be made (I consider it "medium crunch" and I am happy with the level of complexity, but for some it's too complex, for others not enough).  Some new rules had unintended consequences - the "sort rest classes vs long rest classes" balance depends on the pacing of the game, which is strange.  There is no longer a "magical item market" where you could customize your magical gear - some see this as a good thing (I do!) and some see it as bad.  Some say that the game is too easy, that the PCs are too tough (a valid criticism I think).

However, the advantage/disadvantage system was almost universally praised.  And it is good!  It was a bit... much... at times in the older editions.

This is an example from the PF game (the kingmaker AP where I play an alchemist)

"My starting to hit number is +9, but there are modifiers.  I have drunk the mutagen, which gives me +4 to dex, which means +2 to hit. I've also cast reduce, which increases my attack by 1 and gives me 2 more dex so another +1. The foe is 25 feet away so point-blank shot kicks in, giving me another +1, BUT there is a -2 range penalty. The bard is signing that's +5 right? (our bards is *awesome) - nope the bard is more than 30 feet away from me, reducing the bonus to +3. I'm also firing into melee (-4) and there is some cover (-2) so that's not great... but wait I'm hasted by the sorcerer, so I get another +1! So now it 9 +4 +1 +1 +1 -2 +3 -4 -2 + 1= +12 (... I think)... vs touch attack armor"

And this will change every round - did I take just take dex damage, or been hit by a debuff? did range changes, is cover less (or more), did a buffing spell expire, the bard stopped signing, etc etc etc."

Advantage sweeps almost all of this away.  With very few exception like cover, in most situations you have advantage (roll twice take the best), normal chances of success, or disadvantage (roll twice take the worse).  This ended the constant re-calculations of bonuses changing from round to round.  It made the game faster and easier.

But some of the discontent about 5e was more... nebulous.  Some blamed the "Mercer Effect".  Others that the game didn't "feel" right.

Recently, I saw this video about 5e being like super-heroes and how the character's power all came from their sheet and that the rewards of engaging with the world were less - you could just use your "own" power to win.   Now this video wasn't quite 100% right. you still need the other PCs IMO.  And it didn't quite explain why you didn't need to "engage" anymore.

But that video made me realize what the issue is - it's advantage!  Once you have advantage, getting more help doesn't matter.  

You don't need to find the higher grounds. You don't need to flank the giant.  Just get advantage by doing *one* thing and you're good.  And a lot of classes have ways to easily give themselves or others advantage.   So you don't need to engage with the world as much!  Just show up, and get ready to rumble!

So... how do we fix this?

First, Advantage is not a 2nd d20 roll.  It's a +1d6 bonus.  This is roughly the same as advantage (advantage is equivalent to +5 *if* you have 50% chance of hitting.  If your chances are very low or very high, the impact is less.  So +1d6 is roughly equivalent).

Second advantages stack - you could get more than a d6.  But for things not to get completely crazy, (good or bad: disadvantage stacks too!), the extra D6 don't add, it's a "take the highest roll". So if  you have advantage from 3 sources, one source of disadvantage, roll the 1d6 twice, take the best, and add this to your 1d20 roll.  So if you have a *lot* of advantages, the bonus will approach +6

I *think* this might encourage re-engagement with the world and terrain, but without the excessive complexity of pathfinder/3.x....  

EDIT:  It's been pointed out to me by a number of people that this 1d6 solution can be found in the game Shadow of the Demon Lord.  Given the amount of time I've spent on the OSR discord, it's quite possible that I saw that there, "forgot" and then half-remembered it when I was looking for a solution.  I certainly don't want to take credit for something someone else thought of first!

I think that while the solution (original or not) is important, identifying the problem is my main "original" contribution.   I also note that the solution would need to be play tested, as it has a major impact on the critical hit system, and a few feats. 

Another thought:  would this stack with bless or guidance?  Yes, it would, same way advantage stacks with guidance/bless, and this should go for other "bonus dice" that 5e can grant.

The Ironclad

 *Borne of a misunderstanding on the OSR servers.*

The Ironclad is a master of defense and survival.  They achieve victory by outlasting all foes.  They have been studying the advancement of arms and armor, and have concluded that more metal and more technology will always be the winning strategy.

The Ironclad

Every template the Ironclad gains 2 hp.  If the ironclad gains a new template and has no shield, gains a shield.  Proficient in metal-working

Starts with chain armor, shield, cutlass (does 1d6 dmg (slashing or bludgeoning as it delivers a nasty hilt punch, double damage vs ropes), 1d6 sp + 1d6 cp.

Dusack aka dussage, from the Wallace Collection

A:  Armor wearer.  Hand Gunne 

B:  Armor improved to brigandine,  Parry 

C:  Armor improves to plate.  Lantern shield.  Axe Gun 

D:  Fortified, River Walker, Protector

Powers: 

Armor wearer.  The Ironclad has no encumbrance penalties for armor (ie armor takes not slot for them).  However armor penalties to speed, stealth  etc. remains.

Hand Gunne.  A weapon that takes a full round to load, 30 range (1 penalty per 10 feet beyond), 2d6 dmg.  Can be fired while using a shield.  10 bullets and 10 powder charges.   If used by anyone else, 1d10 mg, 10 feet range (1 penalty pert 10 feet beyond), needs two hands to use and 3 rounds to reload. (edit:  I should mention that in my gun system guns have 2 points of armor piercing)

Armor improvements:  These are due to the Ironclad constantly improving and adding more metal, more padding, more protection to their armor.

Parry:  As the fighter in Many Rats on a Stick

Lantern shield:  The Ironclad's shield has a protected enclosure for a bulls-eye lantern, allowing them to wield a shield and hold the lantern with a single arm. 

Axe Gun: Inspired by news from the East, the Ironclad adds a blade to the Hand Gunne - it can be used in melee to inflict 1d8 slashing damage.

Fortified:  When wearing their armor, the Ironclad is immune to critical hits - they are normal hits instead.

River Walker: The Ironclad does not fear the water - they can walk at bottom of rivers, sea-floor etc. with no issues.  They can hold their breath for con X minutes with no effort (beyond that, use standard rules for holding breath as if the PC had just started).

Protector:  If the ironclad is within 10 feet of an ally; and said ally are hit by an attack, the ally can make a reflex save to dive behind the ironclad and have the attack hit the ironclad instead, using the same attack roll (the attack may hit or miss the ironclad, depending on the original roll).

Backgrounds

Cannoneer:  Knowledge of cannons and gunpowder.  An extra 10 charges of powder.

Armorer:  Armoring skill and tools.  2 spare shields. 

Inventor:  Literate.  Knows of alchemy and geometry.  A vial of alchemist's fire

Hedge knight:  Obscure claim to nobility.  Knowledge of heraldry.  An old tired horse, and a lump of a squire. (6 in all stats, club, coward). 1d3 gp

Design note:  I think this is solid but it... will be fun?  I'm also really not sure at what level what power should show up.  Are there too many?  Is this too good?  Many thanks for the feedback on the OSR server.

T-Rex-Pig

 So

My partner was kidding around waving her arms like she was a T-rex.  She was laughing hard and when she does, she snorts.  I said she was like a t-rex-pig.  To explain, I drew it.  She laughed harder :) 

Now she wants me to make a class with it.  Since it's GLOG WEEK, here we are.

This is why I don't draw my owns illustrations for this blog

T-Rex-Pig

You are an intelligent hybrid animal, with the body, tail and head of a pig, and the legs and arms of a T-rex.  You can talk and can manipulate objects with your spindly arms, but they are weak - (think the arms of a 5 year old).  You can shove with  your body quite well though.  You can eat food many would find unpalatable. 

Your hide provides armor as leather.

A:  Scent, natural attacks

B:  Greasy, cork-screw tail

C:  Long legs, Tusks 

D:  Huge, eat anything.

Scent.  You have the keen sense of smell of a hog.  You can find mushrooms, follow tracks etc

Natural attacks.   You can deliver a powerful clawed kick for 1d6 dmg.  Alternatively, you can feebly claw with your arms for 1 dmg

Greasy.   You are very hard to catch in a grapple, and have advantage on any check to avoid or escape one.

Cork-screw tail:  Your corck-screw tail can now be used to open bottle of wine and similar tasks.

Long legs:  Those legs are long aren't they?  Your movement speed doubles.

Tusks:   Your teeth also have grown and you now have tusks.  Gain a second attack doing 1d6 dmg as you gore your enemies.

Huge:  You have been making most of life indeed and are now the size of a horse.  Gain  an extra 5 hp, your hide now provides armor as chain, and your damage dice increases to 1d8

Eat anything.  There is nothing you cannot eat.  The gods fear your hunger.

Background (1d3):

Made by a wizard.  You can smell magic.  Why aren't you with the wizard anymore? well... 

Escaped from Hell/lower planes.  You're actually some type of fiend.  You didn't like hell *at all* - all the fire, the screaming - just ghastly.  You didn't fit in, and you don't want to go back.   You have knowledge of Hell, demons/devil and their languages.

Retired Law Enforcement officer:   You're a copper but you grew disillusioned.  You can read and write and have knowledge of legal procedures. 

State of the Blog

 SO!

2020 is shit, but I now have 100 posts.  I have a few thoughts.

Ludwig Gloss

- The blog has to be useful for my game.  If you want to know what I'm running, what I'm *posting* is  good hint.  Of course, not all posts will be directly related to my game but... 

- My Yoon-Suin game and my Troika!/UVG game are on long hold, but once the pandemic is done, they will return - and so will blog posts about them.  I really want to post a review of the UVG (it's great!) but it feel strange to do so with an on-hold campaign... 

- I have abandoned a lot of projects.  This is ... not great?  But that's how life goes.  2020 did not help.

- I do have a major project that I hope I can finish, as it isn't just my work but a great collective - the Foreboding Fromagerie.  My plan for November is to finish up to room 17 and then start working on the random encounter table and the bestiary.  Once those 2 are done, the dungeon will be "playable".  Then I'll just have to keep adding chunks of rooms until I'm done... christmas time maybe?  It's going slower than I wanted, but it's moving.

- I am inventing little missions for my GLOG mercenary game.  I think I'm going to post them.  It won't be *quite* a usable adventure, but most of the work will be done.  

- In general, I really, really do want to get the Fromagerie done, but I have to find a balance between doing this and general posts.  I also have to devote time to my game.  My readers are important, but my players have to take priority.

- The spell translation project is still going to move forward, but at a slower pace.  I feel that by publishing the alchemist class I managed to finally "accomplish" something.  God knows if anyone will ever play it! (if you do, please let me know)

- Perhaps one of the greatest thing that happened related to this blog was connecting to the wonderful OSR discord group, which have given me a lot of inspiration and joy.  

- I have started supporting creators on Patreon, and, *if* you can afford it, I think you should to :) 

- What else can we look for in the future?  A lot of things.  I have *44* drafts posts.  Some are Fromagerie related, but we'll see what I manage to complete!  Elf as a Glog class.  The Zouave in 5e.  What if planets were cubic (a strict reading of 5e rules lead to this conclusion).  More Zeugma material.  Star Wars Troika!  If you feel like it, leave a comment!

So was this blog worth doing?  I think so.  A few have used my material in their games, and that's the biggest compliment I think a humble gaming blog can enjoy.  I'm glad you enjoyed it :) 

Foreboding Fromagerie: Room 9-13

A tangle of corridors and rooms north of the Great Cheese Hall

(note: this dungeon is under construction - links to monsters and other rooms are missing.  The rest will be published over the course of several weeks)

back to main map      back to index

A tangle of corridors and rooms north of the Great Cheese Hall

Map segment by Dyson Logos, with some edits

Room 9:  The Goblin Gourmet

By SirOnyx

This 30'x30' space is impeccably clean, despite the dirty walls found in most of the dungeon. Shiny marble countertops create a waist-high maze around the entire room, ovens and sinks dot the room with pipes weaving to and fro connecting heat and water alike. Two heavy duty cabinets sit in the back along the northern wall. This room always contains 2d6 goblins of one of the two clans, they are non-hostile at first, but will be very protective of the items contained within this room, as well as keeping it extremely clean. Even so much as dragging mud on the floor may draw their ire.

 

The Cabinets

    The two cabinets in the back are locked with thick iron padlocks, the keys to which are held by the goblin guards that stand in this room.

 The first cabinet contains a great many high quality cooking utensils, such as;

• One Extremely Sharp Cleaver (As +1 Sword)

• One Extremely Strong Pan (As +1 Shield)

• 1d20 Shiny Knives (Worth 1 Silver each)

• 1d6 Plates of Fine China (Worth 1 Gold each intact, but very fragile and worthless if broken)

• One Goblin Recipe Book, filled with strange garbled text that no one can understand (Including the goblins). Rumored to contain rare and fantastical recipes created by The One True Chef, Goblin Ramesses The Twenty Eighth, of the Country Basil, it has since been sullied, but could possibly be salvageable with the right Restoration Techniques.

    The second cabinet opens up into a small walk-in freezer containing;

• 1d10 Magic Sausage Links (Restore 1 HP when eaten)

• 1 Bottle of Mage Wine (Restores 1 MD per gulp, starts with 1d6 gulps remaining inside)

• 1d20 Chunks of Various Cheeses (All delicious, but nonmagical, valuable to the right people)

• Careful inspection of the bottom of this cabinet reveals a small box inset into the floor, containing a captured Ice Sprite, that functions much like the Fire Sprite talked about below

The Appliances

    Scattered in between the various countertops, the occasional oven and sink appear. All of which are readily functional and seem to have no bottom to their energy. 

    Following the pipes from the ovens will lead to a small box, inset in the floor of the northwest corner. This box is well secured and will take quite awhile to break into (1 hour of average bashing). It contains a captured Fire Sprite, it will provide a constant source of mundane heat as its owner wishes. It can also purge all of its energy at once, as fireball, killing itself. It must follow the owner's commands, though it will likely hate them. Setting it free will make it friendly.

    Following the pipes from the sinks will lead to another small box inset in the floor of the southwest corner. This box contains a captured Water Sprite, it functions much the same as the Fire Sprite above.

 

The Goblins

    Once a month, the two goblin clans put aside their differences and send their best chefs to this kitchen to work together to create a feast. This feast is used to placate the wizard (and hopefully keep him from eating them) and, perhaps more importantly, make Noya happy (see room 4).

    The ingredients in the cabinet are given to them by the wizard, once a month. If the ingredients or the utensils are lost, then the goblins will be unable to cook their meal (and will face the wrath of the wizard). Needless to say, looting this room will paint a very big target on the looters' backs for the goblins. 

    In order to hopefully prevent theft, the goblin clans send a squad of goblin guards that rotates every day. Each patrol will only contain goblins of one clan, and the clans alternate responsibility. The theft will not only increase tensions between the wizard and the goblins, but could possibly start a goblin civil war if the other clan believes the guarding clan to have been at fault.

There is a door to the south (to room 10) and one to the west (to room 5).  A long corridor to the east leads to room 13.

Room 10:  Dining Room

By Cameron Hawkey 

A large wooden door, carved with depiction of fruits, cheese and knives lead to this room.  There are no other entrances or exits.

(40'x30', green plaster walls and 20' ceiling, wood floor, clean). There is a 1/6 chance that the Wizard is here having their monthly dinner (waited on by a gelatinous cube) with one of the goblin clans (3d6 members present) and Noya from room 4 (the imps are not invited). A lit candle chandelier hangs by a chain 10' above a long banquet table lined with chairs in the center of room. A painting hangs in a niche on the western wall and a preparation table is in the southwest corner, and on the southern wall 1d6 wheels of honeyed cheeses hang in nets from the ceiling.

>>The wooden dining table (20') has 6 chairs on both sides along its length, with a matching pair of finely carved upholstered chairs at both ends. Two large candelabras are spaced along the table. Next to the western candelabra is a stack of porcelain plates, and adjacent to them on a single white plate is wedge of royal blue cheese. On one of the chairs is a dinner invitation from The Wizard (1:3 may stop minor encounters in tracks if presented with sufficient conviction).

>>The preparation table in the southwest corner has a cutting board with a wheel of cheese (hard, holes, solid black) with a wedge cut out, and a knife block with 3 cheese knives. The black cheese tastes nutty and is nutritious but happens turns your blood black permanently

>>The painting (oil on canvas, 5'x3', 900 GP if undamaged) in the western niche depicts a standing rabbit on a hill, holding a bugle in one hand and a slingshot in the other. Behind the painting is a small niche with rinds of cheese (evidently forgotten long ago), an empty wine glass, and a single silver coin.

Room 11: The Cracker Kitchen

By Studio 315b

A stout wooden door leads to this room.  It is locked but the keyhole is surrounded by scratches - sticking a dagger in there and wiggling it around is sufficient to unlock it.  There are no other exits to this room.

Details: A great oven dominates the western portion of this room, and every remaining scrap of wall is covered in shelves, containing various baking tools and raw ingredients. Barrels flank the door, one containing flour, and the other water. The center of this room is dominated by a low table coated with crackers in varying states of completion. Large stone bowls hold rising dough, rough hewn iron sheets hold cooling crackers, and two adolescent goblins, each dressed in the garb of the opposing tribes, stand over flat stones, talking excitedly as they roll out dough to be cut into crackers.

The two goblins are Hysh (from the hard cheese clan) and Aruq (from the soft cheese clan), who met in the halls while exploring, and fell in love. The young couple are attempting to produce a cracker that can unite their tribes, so they can live together. PCs who offer exotic spices, or valuable advice for cracker-making will be offered bags of experimental crackers in trade and some information about the dungeon.

The crackers are decently made, if exotic in flavor and texture. Each cracker has a 1/6 chance of having a minor beneficial effect, such as +1 bonus to the next roll a PC makes.

Room 12: the hungry Merchant

By deus ex parabola

details: a cramped chamber with three cases of items against the walls. all are initially protected with a heavy, easily-picked padlock (10HP, plate ac, ignores attacks which deal less than 6 damage). on the fourth wall there is a 225cm ghostly-pale man (?) standing behind a counter strewn with oddities. his long digitigrade legs have razor-sharp dewclaws, and he introduces himself as Cen. the whole room is visible from the counter but Cen is distractible. if asked, Cen describes his items honestly. he is proud of his wares and slightly racist against those shorter than him.

Initially he sells:

1. null pond water. drinking from this bottle permanently removes your natural scent. dousing removes cheese odors. three doses.

2. helpful cane. a wooden stick to lean on. oddly, you can still grasp it when your hands are full.

3. fatal candle. all d20s rolled under the light of this candle come up as 1s or 20s. burns for ten minutes, can be relit.

Cen blames his problems (bored, sick of cheese, no customers) on the Hell-gate (room 14). he will ask the PCs for wine, sausage, and the destruction of that gate. he considers all of these to be equally challenging. on completion of one of his quests he will unlock another case, offer you one item as a reward, and make the remaining items in the case available for sale.

depending on how much the PC appears to desire the object, Cen quotes prices as follows: [Absurdly Expensive], [Half of Everything], [Everything You've Got]. if two PCs pool their resources he assumes they want the object very much and requires [Everything You've Got] from both. he accepts payment in all forms of coin and treasure, which he stashes behind the counter

red footlocker:

4. skeleton key. when inserted into a lock, the lock becomes a skeleton as difficult to defeat as the lock would have been to open.

5. occulted mask. the wearer cannot be understood or described as anything but The Masked Man. multiple wearers are indistinguishable.

6. not-knife. while held, this knife is invisible.

blue jewelry box:

7. rock ring. steel band, feathercut topaz. twiddle it like a dial to alter how movable you are, from 0% to 100% (humans and elfs are 100% movable by default, dwarfs and armored humans 75%)

8. witch ring. silver band, pink semiprecious shaped like a hair bow. while wearing this ring another merchant (Maple Syrup) knows exactly where you are. you can shout at the ring to try and get her attention.

9. anarchist's compass. a crystal disc four inches across. a needle inside points to the nearest explosive. when used as a lens world seems monochrome (darker shade = more flammable)

grey coffin:

10. truth ring. silver band, catseye diamond. the ring heats in the presence of liars, tightens when it hears deception. somewhat painful in the presence of politicians.

11. murderer's tophat. once a day, the wearer may cast Initiate Violence with 3MD. on a doom the hat is destroyed.

Initiate Violence R: Shouting distance T: [sum] creatures D: [dice] rounds Targets drop what they are doing and roll **Initiative** for a new combat. They take sides randomly, though the caster may decide how many sides there are.

12. obsidian lock. a padlock of black-and-red stone. once shut, the enclosed area can only be accessed by unlocking it: windows are darkened, walls are made indestructible. Cen does not have the key.

offered from Cen's side if you complete all quests:

13. magician's smallsword. blue-stained bone hilt, elaborate gilt knucklebow, black-and-white checkered blade. +2 medium weapon, cannot be used two-handed. all spells cast by the wielder are considered to have +1 [dice] value. responds to the name CONCERNED WITH ITSELF.

Cen

20HD outsider, perfect ac (can only be hit with a critical), morale 13 
movement: as angry velociraptor (36")
morality: unique height-based theory of the value of life (Neutral Evil)
intelligence: cunning and well educated, easily but condescendingly impressed by those shorter than him.
attacks: giant undodgeable laserbeam (save vs. death), +2 smallsword (1d6+2)
magic: Name Reassignment ("THIEF!"), 2MD, at-will

Cen rarely sleep, and when he does it is with literally one eye open.

Leading out of this room is a corridor heading north, and a door leading to room 14 (stoutly bared, Cen will not open it until the HellGate has been closed).

Room: 12b, (the corridors above 12): Planegnawer Maze

By Panic Pillow

Description:

Floors covered in thick layers of dust. Cobwebs are very noticeable in the corners of the hallway. This area doesn’t get cleaned by the Gelatinous Cube, a clear indication that something is wrong. 

Large sections of the hallway are covered with enormous mousetraps, one of which is triggered and contains a cow-sized ratlike creature, snapped in two. The rat-creature is a Planegnawer. The mousetraps have cheese to lure them. The traps either do lethal or loads of damage (enough to sever limbs), GM’s choice. 

Near portals you can see pawprints, the size of human hands, disturb the dust and lead into a dead-end. These portals form a simple maze. Planar creatures can only travel from point to point, they cannot stay in the interplanar space that the Planegnawers occupy. The portals are part of the Planegnawers’ burrow. Whenever they are used there is a 2-in-6 chance 1d4 Planegnawers take notice and begin stalking the PCs. 

Legend:

The red T’s aren’t solitary traps, but rather areas that cannot be traveled through without taking a few hours to safely remove the traps. (1d3 turn per group of trap). It is possible to quickly trigger them with a long stick, but this makes a tremendous amount of racket (roll for random encounter).

The portals are color coded on the map to help the GM guide the party - they are not colored in the dungeon. They are very faintly visible as a shimmer. but will be missed by an inatentive party.

The door in the west is barred, with different portals on either side. The portals are bigger than the door, so if characters try to break down the door they or their tools will pass through as if they pass through air. 

Planegnawer: Interdimensional vermin, attracted by dimensional portals. Love cheese. 

Defence: as leather; HD 2; Move as a dog; Morale as cowards. Will run after a nasty hit or when unable to scare PCs away. 

Infecting Bite: 1d6, or 2d6 when on top of someone. Save or get an interplanar disease. 

Planar Tackle: the Planegnawer digs through reality itself and seemingly disappears. Next turn it hurls itself back into this world. Save or get tackled to the ground and shoved backwards (potentially in a trap).

ROOM 13: The Cursed Chamber

By vayra

The corridor here widens slightly, forming a small square room with an alcove off to one side. A canvas tarp covers the floor the center of the room, held down by fist-sized stones around the edges and sagging slightly in the middle. The alcove to the north holds a hewn stone cube with a crown crudely etched into the face and the elaborately worked hilt of an actual sword protruding from the center of the top.

The tarp is approximately 10' x 10', and covers a square, 20' deep pit of the same width. The area around the edge of the tarp is dusty, as is the tarp itself.

At the bottom of the pit there is the dehydrated and brittle carcass of a CHEDDAR CAIMAN, mummified by the dry conditions. Rehydrating it will return it to life. If broken open (which prevents future revival), it contains the partially digested remains of two others of its species and a collection of thoroughly chewed golden candleholders worth approx. 30 gp.

The sword can be hauled out of the stone block in the alcove with a successful Strength check, upon which the block crumbles. The sword deals double damage to landed nobility, never misses when thrown at a target of it's choice within line-of-sight, and bears the name ALL WILL BOW - which it announces loudly when pulled from the stone or drawn from a scabbard. It is utterly convinced that whoever pulls it from the stone is the rightful heir to the highest office of the land by divine mandate, and will quarrel viciously with them if they do not pursue their claim as well as with anyone who does not give them the respect it believes they are due.

CHEDDAR CAIMAN

HD 2 HP 15 Size Medium AC 3 (AAC 13, DAC 7, hard cheese-scales)

STR 16 +3 DEX 10 +0 INT 3 -3 CHA 12 +1

Attack 15 melee cheddar chomp 2d4+3 crushing

Speaks Glimmer, greedily and maliciously

Notes Cheddar caimans are, for whatever reason, strongly attracted to gold and exult in tormenting and eventually devouring it.

Leading out of this room is a corridor that leads to room 9. Stairs to the east lead to an intersection.

What if the bag of holding was a PC...

 Following a discussion on the OSR Discord... I made this in 15 minutes.  You've been warned.

BAG OF HOLDING

You are an intelligent bag of holding.  

Starting equipment:  1d4 randomly rolled items from your last owner.  1d100 copper pieces. 

Your armor is as leather.  You have no hands nor legs, but can manipulate things with your mouth/cover and can slowly shuffle around (movement speed 10 feet/round).  You can see and speak. You hold 6 slots per template, and take one slot to carry.

A:  Hold item hostage, Appear as a bag, bite

B:  Secret Stash, detect dimensionality, Spit out items

C:  Tougher bag, Faster bag, Hold someone

D:  The great devourer, Astral Plane excretion

Hold Item Hostage:   You have the power not to surrender your items.  You have reasonable demands - a ration a day in food, you won't store gross stuff, no unsheathed weapons etc.

Appear as a bag:   You can easily appear as a normal inanimate bag.

Bite:   You can bite for 1d6 dmg

Secret Stash:  On top of the 6 slots per template, you now have a secret stash of 5 slots for your own personal use.  1/5 of these slots can be for an "unspecified item" (just like the thief).  

Detect Dimensionality:  Putting extradimensional spaces inside other spaces is a bad idea.  You can detect such areas (or the openings to such areas) within a 100 feet.

Spit out items:  You can spit out items with great force.  If suitably sharp or hard, the item does 1d6 damage.  Range: 20 feet, -1 penalty per 10 feet beyond.

Tougher bag:  Your AC is now as chain

Faster bag:  your movement is now 20 feet/level

Hold someone:  A single human size creature can carefully climb inside you to hide. This take 15 slots of space.  You can carefully renew the air supply.  To the person inside, it feels like hiding inside a moist sleeping bag.

The great devourer.  If you roll max damage when biting, the target must save or be devoured whole and be expelled into the astral plane.  The target cannot be bigger than an ogre.

Astral Plane excretion:  You can get rid of things permanently (?) by excreting them into the astral plane.

Background (1d3)

1:  your ex owner was a burglar.  +2 to stealth

2:  Your ex owner was a wizard. +2 to saves vs magic

3:  Your ex owner was a farmer.  You have a turnip familiar.

P.S.  I wonder about the ecology of bag of holdings.  Perhaps when a bag of holding "retires", it gives birth to a new, smaller bag of holding?  It has "genetic" memories from its parents, so even though it might be days old it has the "life experience" of an adult.