The Mace of Gygax

As new seasons of Futurama are coming out, I've been rewatching it (and enjoying it greatly - the first 3 seasons in particular are excellent).  

In season 2, episode 6, Gygax hands Fry a +1 mace.

How should we stat such a weapon?

Sure, it could just be an ordinary +1 mace... but it's the *Mace of Gygax*!  That isn't enough!  But if it's *not* a +1 mace... 

The solution is simple.  The Mace of Gygax gives a +1 bonus to attack rolls and damage... aaaaand everything else.  +1 to skill checks and saving throws.  +1 to initiative and AC.  +1 to hp.  +1 to strenght, dex... +1 to level.  Basically, anything that has a game statistic, +1. 

I like to think that Gygax would approve of this.  Best part, this works in almost every rule system :D

The Cannon

This is a somewhat silly GLOG class I made for an adventure I hope to publish (here) "soon", called "the Yamac Sauce Caper".   This has not been play-tested as a PC.  As a "helpful" NPC?  100% this works :D

So you thought being a cannoneer was special.  Pfff.  What if you are the cannon?

You are a cannon with all that entails.  You somehow can talk, see and perceive as a human.  You don't need to eat, but you can eat a load of gunpowder, somehow, to heal as if  you had had a lunch. 

You gain 1 hp and 1 AC per template (your AC at level 1 is like leather).  If someone fumbles against you, they break their melee weapon against your hard metal barrel, or injure themselves for 1d3 dmg if using natural weapons.

A:  10 feet per round, aim yourself (you have +2 to hit), bombard's eye

B: 20 feet per round, Powder eater.  fast fire

C:  30 feet per round.  Ram, Safe

D:  Self fire.  Range

10 feet per round:   You have gained the power to roll yourself around at fairly slow speed.  You progressively move faster

Aim yourself:  You can aim yourself, possibly achieving greater accuracy 

Bombard's eye:  As per Skerple's cannoneer power

Powder eater:  Eat a load of powder to heal as per a ration (like taking lunch)

Fast fire:  Your advice and assistance makes you easier to use.  An untrained crew can fire you as fast as a trained crew, and a trained crew can shave off a round off their loading time (again, consult's Skerple's excellent rules).

Ram:  You can roll into someone and ram them with your iron tube, inflicting 1d6 dmg

Safe:  You are now completely safe to fire. If a roll indicates a serious misshap, the shot is instead interrupted (you know things are wrong)

Self fire:  You cannot load yourself, but you *can* fire yourself

Range:  Your range is increased by 50%

THE DEFENCE Of SAN FLORIA: A Short Glog adventure/Session Recap

THE DEFENCE OF SAN FLORIA

I had a GLOG session a while ago that was quite interesting.  I wrote a recap, and I told myself: why not just slightly change it and publish a little adventure? :)

Sources:

Map:  Dyson Logos' Blessed Monastery

Scenario idea:  Skerples' 50 missions for mercenaries

Enemy design:  Spekkio at black rat big hat

NPC guard/mercenary class design:  Petty Sell-Sword

Ruleset:  the GLOG, but I hope that there are enough details here that this could easily be run in B/x or something similar.

Basic scenario concept:  

In this campaign, the heroes are part of a large-ish mercenary company (the Fox's Company), who's captain has made enemies (as they do).  The captain, Ricardo Volpe, receives rumors of a plot to raid a monastery and frame him for the raid.  He sends some of his trusted followers (the PCs) to protect the monastery and his reputation.  There is a roughly 1 week window of time in which this raid will occur.

Feel free (of course) to modify this intro to fit your campaign.   The only real requirement is that the PCs would be seen as trustworthy enough to be hired for this.  If they aren't... you could reverse the scenario on its head and have the PCs be the raiders!

This adventure was play-tested with 4-5 2nd-level PCs using the GLOG system.  

The Monastery:

The Convent of San Floria 

Leader: Abbesss Maria:  A no-nonsense woman with a strong will, with sharp features and green eyes.  She is a bit dubious about this entire situation, and does not trust the PCs entirely, but will allow them to defend the monastery.  She is worried about the relic being stollen, but also concerned about the monastery’s extensive wine cellar, and she doesn’t want it raided or even discovered. Most of the other sisters will stay out of sight and not interact with the party.  She will provide some lodging (sleeping in the hayloft or something of the sort) and food to the party while they stay at the convent.  The convent has about two dozen nuns and a few servants.

Guards:  3 eunuchs, rescued from a difficult situation and devoted to the convent.  No armor, armed with quarterstaves, 5hp.  Will help the heroes defend, but more in a "extra pair of eyes" role - they see their main objective as protecting the convent itself and would rather let the PCs do the fighting.  The leader is Bernard, a boarman, 10 hp.  He did some soldiering in his youth, which makes him both relate to the party and yet not trust them fully.  The guards’ attitude towards the party will depend on how respectful and competent the PCs behave.

The Relic: a silver and glass reliquary containing the Hand of San Floria, said to be able to remove curses during lunar eclipses... it doesn't really matter, it's a McGuffin.  Worth a few hundred gp to the right buyer.

By Dyson Logos, see link above

Monastery grounds:

A wall surrounds the monastery, but in the north and part of the east is "incomplete" - a series of graceful arches beautifies but make it easy to bypass .

The convent is on a large patch of poor soil, used for pasture.  They have little agricultural activity beyond a few apple trees and beekeeping.   About 750 feet north-west of the monastery is a tiny hamlet - a few modest homes where an extended family of shepherds live.  A dirt track leads past it to the nearest town.   To the north and east there is a small cops of woods, and less than a hundred feet to the south there is a small river (15 feet wide and fordable on foot) in a small, bushy valley.

Rather bland, but it shows the layout.  each square = 30 feet.  Taken late in the session.

The opposition:  

Marnie's Movers, a group of petty-sell-swords (designed by Spekkio, I added one member, Burak)

= Marnie (leader) =

F Human

9 9 9 9 14 9

7hp

Atk: +1 / 1d6 dagger [dual-wield]

AC: 12 (leather)

Items: 5 daggers total, 3 rations, shovel, 30' rope, a small insignia of Fox's Company to be left behind.

Treasure: 4gp 8sp various coinage, anklet worth 17sp

Skills: Literate, Brigandry (+2 to checks relating to executing an ambush), LOW CUNNING (+2 Stealth, can perform crude deception)

Appearance: Esmerelda from Quasimodo, but aging and with a few scars and pockmarks.

Personality: Dry and lowbrow. Motivated by greed.

= Burak =

M Dwarf

9 9 14 9 9 9

10 HP

Atk + 0 1d6 (hand axe)

AC: 13 (leather, shield)

Items:  3 rations, matock, large sacks

Treasure: 4 gp, ring worth 3 sp

Skills: Brigand  (+2 to checks relating to ambushes)

Appearance: stout even for a dwarf, black hair and eyes

Personality:  Cautious, suspicious, and protective, sees himself as Marnie's bodyguard.  The voice of "reason".

= Nicolin ("Young Nick") =

M Ratling

9 9 9 10 9 9

5hp

Atk +2 / 1d6 dagger (Fell Handed)

AC: 12 (leather)

Items: 3 rations, shovel

Treasure: 2gp various coinage, locket worth 13sp

Skills: Urchin/Pickpocket.

Appearance: Black fur. Squinty eyes.

Personality: As Todd T Squirrel.

= Percival ("Perc") =

M Ravenling

9 9 9 9 9 11

8hp (Eating Well)

Atk +0 / 1d6 dagger

AC: 12 (leather)

Items: 8 rations, shovel

Treasure: 8sp, 20sp bauble

Skills: Brigand (+2 to checks relating to ambushes)

Appearance: Beak heavily scuffed from clam habit

Personality: Thinks he's funny

= Nicholas ("Old Nick") =

M Ratling

9 9 9 10 9 9

5hp

Atk +0 / 1d6 dagger

AC: 12 (leather)

Items: 3 rations, shovel, lantern

Treasure: 18 sp, 6sp earring

Skills: EAGLE EYE (adv to perception checks), Brigand (+2 to checks relating to ambushes)

Appearance: Greying, with whiskers sticking out in all directions. Rather long and thin face.

Personality: Reticent.

= Winnifred ("Winnie") =

F Badgerling

9 9 13 9 9 9

9hp

Atk +0 / 1d6 dagger [dual-wield]

AC: 12 (leather)

Items: 2 daggers total, 3 rations, whompin' shovel

Treasure: 22sp, 3sp Toe-ring

Skills: LOW CUNNING (+2 Stealth, can perform crude deception), Peasant/Animal Handling, can dig

Appearance: -

Personality: Surly in comparison to normal people, rather upbeat for a badgerling. Still likes animals more than people.

Extra: has a small donkey, named Cheeky. She loves him dearly.

= Alais =

F Human

9 9 9 14 9 9

8hp (eating well)

Atk +0 / 1d6 dagger, 1d6 bow

AC: 12 (leather)

Items: 8 rations, shovel

Treasure: 14 sp, 12sp snuffbox (empty)

Skills: Urchin/Pickpocket.

Appearance: Pale and waifish. Tendency to stare.

Personality: Very intense.

Marnie is cunning and objective driven - she doesn't want to fight, she wants the relic.  Depending on what defensive measures the PCs adopt, she will craft a plan to bypass them (or so she hopes!).  She is a big fan of using a distraction to draw away defenders while the main group sneaks in the back. You can read the recap below to see one example of such plan.

Complications:  

If you feel like making the scenario thornier, a third party may intervene - a local taxman who has a dispute with the monastery for example - a taxman the party may mistake for a raider scout/impostor?  Perhaps a young nun is interested in one of the PCs?  Perhaps Bernard is not a boarman but a were-boar and the full moon approaches?  Have fun!

Reward:

The Abbess will reward the party with a bottle of fine wine each, claiming that they were given to the monastery by a noble a few years ago (true) and that they had no use for it (quite false).  These bottles can be sold for 5 gp each (it's a somewhat famous vintage), or simply enjoyed.  She will also gift them with a large jar of honey.

Captain Ricardo will reward the PC according to their success.  A complete failure yields no reward, a successful defense will earn the PCs 10 gp each, and information about the plot another 10 gp, and perhaps extra equipment from the company store. (adjust according to your campaign, of course)

PLAY RECAP:  

So how did this work in my game?  Explody.  Here is how it went down:

PCs:

Ragno, a spiderling sawbwones (level 2)

Xerses, a dwarven Sorcerer from afar (level 1 sorcerer, level 1 thief)

Mr Bill (level 2 human Zouave)

Violetta (level 2 gnome tactician, player is absent for most of it)

Giuseppe (level 2 human hunter, has a crossbow) 

The party managed to establish a decent rapport with both the local guards and the local shepherds - the later achieved with an offer of a few silvers to the shepherds to keep an eye out.  A few days after arriving at the monastery, they got word from said shepherd of "suspicious strangers" seen lurking in the north (Marnie's men were scouting the scene - they paid the shepherds in coppers, not sliver).

Correctly anticipating a nighttime raid, the PCs surrounded  the monastery with fires at night, so that no one can sneak in unseen.  Marnie, seeing this, developed a plan of attack.

First, a distraction - 3 members (Alais, Nicolas and Winifred) "attacked" from the north at night.  Each carried a long pole, each end of the poll having  dummy carrying a "spear" and a torch, creating the illusion of 6 attacking torchbearers and "more" poorly seen.  Once within about 200 feet of the monastery, they stopped, put down the poles on support (the fake attackers are now "standing on guard") and begin shooting flaming arrows at the building from extreme range.  If a counter attack happens, they run.  But because they start their charge from quite far, it takes a long time for a counter attack to work...    The flaming arrows did little damage, but certainly caused a lot of concern, and the monastery guards went on fire control duty, leaving the PCs to take care of the fighting.

(I'll note that in the GLOG, ranged attacks have significant penalties, and these ranges may have to be adjusted so they make sense for your system.  The attackers want to be close enough that shooting arrows at a far range at a large collection of building is possible, but far enough that return fire has little chance of hitting them). 

In the south, Marnie, Burak, Nicodin and Percival snuck close to the back of the monastery, taking advantage of the distraction and cover from the small river valley.  They have with them bales of hay that they soak in the river and use to extinguish one of the fires, and a ladder to go over the wall.

But Xercese, the party sorcerer, suspects that something is amiss and heads south.   He manages to signal to the others that the mercenaries are coming, but his efforts to slow the invaders down only spur them to greater speed.  He paralyzes Marnie and her dwarven guard Burak, green sparks shooting out of his ears from the magical effort.  But the fat ravenling Percival and Nicolin the ratling are already over the wall and charge him, with Percival yelling "grab the wizard!!!", and they tackle the sorcerer.

Ragno and Mr Bill are rushing south, and Guisepe is trying to flank, but are just a wee bit too far.  Xerces is not hindered by the grapple -he is not a wizard, but a sorcerer, he doesn't need mumbo-jumbo gestures or chants!  He draws his powers for the third time, and paralyzes Percival with a thunderclap!  Nicolin panics, and decides the solution to the "wizard problem" is stabbing!  He misses.  Guisepe fires a bolt but misses as well.

Ragno and Mr Bill are so close!  Xerces decides to turn invisible for a short moment to escape, thinking that Mr Bill and Ragno should be able to handle Nicolin.  But Xerces has used too much magic today, and the spell catastrophically backfires.  For a brief moment he is engulfed in crackling magical energy (tacking 9 dmg) ... and then he *explodes* in a fireball, inflicting 16 damage to everyone within 20 feet.  Xerces, paralyzed Percival and stabby Niccodin are obliterated....   Mr Bill and Ragno, outside the blast zone, can only stare in shock as Xerces's peculiar hat flutters down from a great height...

(note: in the GLOG, the sorcerer is a caster that the more they cast, the more dangerous it gets - the player pushed his luck too far.  They knew they were going to blow up sooner or later!)

The arcane explosion brings the battle to a stop.  Marnie, still paralyzed, is captured by the PCs, along with a few others.  In exchange for their freedom, she tells the PCs all about who hired them.  The party begin to see the outline of a plot against their captain... 

 Thanks to Kwub for helpful suggestions and revisions

P.S.  I have pretty good notes from this campaign, and I think a few of the other adventures are also "decent enough to publish".  The next one will not be a battle, but a "capper" - The Yamac Sauce Capper.  I think we need more adventures in the GLOG - enough classes!

The GLOG alchemist: a playtest

 I previously published a GLOG class called the alchemist.  I was pretty proud of my creation, but it was a complex class, and it hadn't been playtested.  Anyone who does game design knows that no matter how "solid" something seems, if you don't playtest it, you can't be certain that it works like you intended.

The first thing I realized is that I hadn't included backgrounds.  Oops

Either come up with something good yourself, or Roll 1d3:

1: wizard.  You have no talent at casting spells, but you can detect magical items as a wizard.  You start with 2d10 silver

2: cultist:   Use the summoner class as a guide to create the cult you used (or still? belong to).  Start with 1d6 silver and a dagger.

3: Inventor:  You start with 1d12-6 gold and a peculiar crossbow that only you can use.  If  you have negative gold, you owe it to someone who may prove troublesome.

The second thing - much more important - that playtesting uncovered was that the  degradation rules and the resulting "stabilize" system just do not work well in play.  The design intent was to prevent someone building up a huge arsenal and "nova strike" with all their spells at once.  It doesn't really, and it really is penalizing to the character.  If a level 1 alchemist prepares a concoction one day but doesn't use it, each day there is a 1/6 chances of it being lost forever - those CDs aren't like a wizard's MDs, they don't "come back".  But if the alchemist doesn't, well the alchemist has no magical powers.  This is *not* ideal nor fun. 

 What we compromised instead was that alchemical preparations should have an "expiry date".   How to do that easily in game?  Simple.  Keep track of the character level at which the preparation was made, and 2 levels  higher the preparation has gone stale and is worthless.  

Example:  Kava the gooseling alchemist has made a smoke pot at level 1.  He keeps it for a while, but if he doesn't use it by level 3, it is now a dud and the CDs are lost.

So why not simply at the next level?  Well it could result in something expiring *very* fast if the PC happens to level up on the same session as the smoke pot was prepared.  

I would update the preparation tracking sheet with something like this:

Lastly, we decided that the sword of St-Germain alchemical enhancement can be used on a dagger - or any vaguely sword-like implement.  It seemed a bit silly that the alchemist could not use the sword they prepared due to proficiency issues.  

So how did it play?  Fairly well!  The alchemist basically plays a bit like a conservative mage, but can be rather good in clutch situations.   It's not for every players clearly, but my player enjoyed it.  We also found that the proposed amounts of CD was about right, at least right for my campaign pacing.  I also occasionally allowed the player to find spare CDs when it made sense, such as finding an abandoned alchemist's lab.

Of course, one PC in one campaign not sufficient playtesting, so if you too have played an alchemist, I would love to hear about it.

A new Familiar: The Potato

 Familiars are an important part of some D&D rule-sets (they are sorely lacking in the GLOG...*) and can be a fun and very useful addition to a party.  

5e, 2nd ed and other editions had lists of "regular" familiars people could take:  cat, raven, crab etc etc etc.  But I have realized that these lists are all missing an *excellent* form for a familiar:  the Potato.

Here is why:

1: No plant based familiar

2: Something people are familiar with, it's plausible.

3: SUPER stealthy.  Who suspects the potato?

4: EXCELLENT guard - due to all its eyes, the Potato familiar has 360 vision. (but see point 7...)

5:  Yes it has poor speed, but it can burrow.

6: In a pinch, the potato can be used as a weapon and hurled at your foes.

7: The potato makes for an excellent bribe for certain foes, esp goblins (this makes the potato a poor choice to spy on goblins).

8: in a pinch, the potato can be used to make a meal.

9: It cannot fly, but it will not get sucked into a jet engine. (thank you Dice and Doggos for that crucial contribution)

10:  It can be used as a battery to power high tech devices or perhaps used as a magical focus (autographedcat came up with this one)

11:  Significant RP potential.

That's a lot of utility for a simple familiar!  

Now  you might say "ok sure, it's the best regular familiar, but surely it doesn't beat the improved familiars like the imp".  And yes, you would be 100% correct.  To be in the same class as the imp, you need a turnip.  Why?  I have said too much already... 

*edit:  about that, I've been a bit out of touch from the GLOG-sphere so maybe there are several ones now out there, I thought I should note that.  Also, some have asked me to generate rules for familiars in the GLOG and that is harder than in looks, since spells are "entities" of sort in the GLOG magical theory, so a find familiar spell may not make sense.  A familiar in the GLOG would be something different...

The Ironclad

 *Borne of a misunderstanding on the OSR servers.*

The Ironclad is a master of defense and survival.  They achieve victory by outlasting all foes.  They have been studying the advancement of arms and armor, and have concluded that more metal and more technology will always be the winning strategy.

The Ironclad

Every template the Ironclad gains 2 hp.  If the ironclad gains a new template and has no shield, gains a shield.  Proficient in metal-working

Starts with chain armor, shield, cutlass (does 1d6 dmg (slashing or bludgeoning as it delivers a nasty hilt punch, double damage vs ropes), 1d6 sp + 1d6 cp.

Dusack aka dussage, from the Wallace Collection

A:  Armor wearer.  Hand Gunne 

B:  Armor improved to brigandine,  Parry 

C:  Armor improves to plate.  Lantern shield.  Axe Gun 

D:  Fortified, River Walker, Protector

Powers: 

Armor wearer.  The Ironclad has no encumbrance penalties for armor (ie armor takes not slot for them).  However armor penalties to speed, stealth  etc. remains.

Hand Gunne.  A weapon that takes a full round to load, 30 range (1 penalty per 10 feet beyond), 2d6 dmg.  Can be fired while using a shield.  10 bullets and 10 powder charges.   If used by anyone else, 1d10 mg, 10 feet range (1 penalty pert 10 feet beyond), needs two hands to use and 3 rounds to reload. (edit:  I should mention that in my gun system guns have 2 points of armor piercing)

Armor improvements:  These are due to the Ironclad constantly improving and adding more metal, more padding, more protection to their armor.

Parry:  As the fighter in Many Rats on a Stick

Lantern shield:  The Ironclad's shield has a protected enclosure for a bulls-eye lantern, allowing them to wield a shield and hold the lantern with a single arm. 

Axe Gun: Inspired by news from the East, the Ironclad adds a blade to the Hand Gunne - it can be used in melee to inflict 1d8 slashing damage.

Fortified:  When wearing their armor, the Ironclad is immune to critical hits - they are normal hits instead.

River Walker: The Ironclad does not fear the water - they can walk at bottom of rivers, sea-floor etc. with no issues.  They can hold their breath for con X minutes with no effort (beyond that, use standard rules for holding breath as if the PC had just started).

Protector:  If the ironclad is within 10 feet of an ally; and said ally are hit by an attack, the ally can make a reflex save to dive behind the ironclad and have the attack hit the ironclad instead, using the same attack roll (the attack may hit or miss the ironclad, depending on the original roll).

Backgrounds

Cannoneer:  Knowledge of cannons and gunpowder.  An extra 10 charges of powder.

Armorer:  Armoring skill and tools.  2 spare shields. 

Inventor:  Literate.  Knows of alchemy and geometry.  A vial of alchemist's fire

Hedge knight:  Obscure claim to nobility.  Knowledge of heraldry.  An old tired horse, and a lump of a squire. (6 in all stats, club, coward). 1d3 gp

Design note:  I think this is solid but it... will be fun?  I'm also really not sure at what level what power should show up.  Are there too many?  Is this too good?  Many thanks for the feedback on the OSR server.

T-Rex-Pig

 So

My partner was kidding around waving her arms like she was a T-rex.  She was laughing hard and when she does, she snorts.  I said she was like a t-rex-pig.  To explain, I drew it.  She laughed harder :) 

Now she wants me to make a class with it.  Since it's GLOG WEEK, here we are.

This is why I don't draw my owns illustrations for this blog

T-Rex-Pig

You are an intelligent hybrid animal, with the body, tail and head of a pig, and the legs and arms of a T-rex.  You can talk and can manipulate objects with your spindly arms, but they are weak - (think the arms of a 5 year old).  You can shove with  your body quite well though.  You can eat food many would find unpalatable. 

Your hide provides armor as leather.

A:  Scent, natural attacks

B:  Greasy, cork-screw tail

C:  Long legs, Tusks 

D:  Huge, eat anything.

Scent.  You have the keen sense of smell of a hog.  You can find mushrooms, follow tracks etc

Natural attacks.   You can deliver a powerful clawed kick for 1d6 dmg.  Alternatively, you can feebly claw with your arms for 1 dmg

Greasy.   You are very hard to catch in a grapple, and have advantage on any check to avoid or escape one.

Cork-screw tail:  Your corck-screw tail can now be used to open bottle of wine and similar tasks.

Long legs:  Those legs are long aren't they?  Your movement speed doubles.

Tusks:   Your teeth also have grown and you now have tusks.  Gain a second attack doing 1d6 dmg as you gore your enemies.

Huge:  You have been making most of life indeed and are now the size of a horse.  Gain  an extra 5 hp, your hide now provides armor as chain, and your damage dice increases to 1d8

Eat anything.  There is nothing you cannot eat.  The gods fear your hunger.

Background (1d3):

Made by a wizard.  You can smell magic.  Why aren't you with the wizard anymore? well... 

Escaped from Hell/lower planes.  You're actually some type of fiend.  You didn't like hell *at all* - all the fire, the screaming - just ghastly.  You didn't fit in, and you don't want to go back.   You have knowledge of Hell, demons/devil and their languages.

Retired Law Enforcement officer:   You're a copper but you grew disillusioned.  You can read and write and have knowledge of legal procedures. 

Foreboding Fromagerie: Room 9-13

A tangle of corridors and rooms north of the Great Cheese Hall

(note: this dungeon is under construction - links to monsters and other rooms are missing.  The rest will be published over the course of several weeks)

back to main map      back to index

A tangle of corridors and rooms north of the Great Cheese Hall

Map segment by Dyson Logos, with some edits

Room 9:  The Goblin Gourmet

By SirOnyx

This 30'x30' space is impeccably clean, despite the dirty walls found in most of the dungeon. Shiny marble countertops create a waist-high maze around the entire room, ovens and sinks dot the room with pipes weaving to and fro connecting heat and water alike. Two heavy duty cabinets sit in the back along the northern wall. This room always contains 2d6 goblins of one of the two clans, they are non-hostile at first, but will be very protective of the items contained within this room, as well as keeping it extremely clean. Even so much as dragging mud on the floor may draw their ire.

 

The Cabinets

    The two cabinets in the back are locked with thick iron padlocks, the keys to which are held by the goblin guards that stand in this room.

 The first cabinet contains a great many high quality cooking utensils, such as;

• One Extremely Sharp Cleaver (As +1 Sword)

• One Extremely Strong Pan (As +1 Shield)

• 1d20 Shiny Knives (Worth 1 Silver each)

• 1d6 Plates of Fine China (Worth 1 Gold each intact, but very fragile and worthless if broken)

• One Goblin Recipe Book, filled with strange garbled text that no one can understand (Including the goblins). Rumored to contain rare and fantastical recipes created by The One True Chef, Goblin Ramesses The Twenty Eighth, of the Country Basil, it has since been sullied, but could possibly be salvageable with the right Restoration Techniques.

    The second cabinet opens up into a small walk-in freezer containing;

• 1d10 Magic Sausage Links (Restore 1 HP when eaten)

• 1 Bottle of Mage Wine (Restores 1 MD per gulp, starts with 1d6 gulps remaining inside)

• 1d20 Chunks of Various Cheeses (All delicious, but nonmagical, valuable to the right people)

• Careful inspection of the bottom of this cabinet reveals a small box inset into the floor, containing a captured Ice Sprite, that functions much like the Fire Sprite talked about below

The Appliances

    Scattered in between the various countertops, the occasional oven and sink appear. All of which are readily functional and seem to have no bottom to their energy. 

    Following the pipes from the ovens will lead to a small box, inset in the floor of the northwest corner. This box is well secured and will take quite awhile to break into (1 hour of average bashing). It contains a captured Fire Sprite, it will provide a constant source of mundane heat as its owner wishes. It can also purge all of its energy at once, as fireball, killing itself. It must follow the owner's commands, though it will likely hate them. Setting it free will make it friendly.

    Following the pipes from the sinks will lead to another small box inset in the floor of the southwest corner. This box contains a captured Water Sprite, it functions much the same as the Fire Sprite above.

 

The Goblins

    Once a month, the two goblin clans put aside their differences and send their best chefs to this kitchen to work together to create a feast. This feast is used to placate the wizard (and hopefully keep him from eating them) and, perhaps more importantly, make Noya happy (see room 4).

    The ingredients in the cabinet are given to them by the wizard, once a month. If the ingredients or the utensils are lost, then the goblins will be unable to cook their meal (and will face the wrath of the wizard). Needless to say, looting this room will paint a very big target on the looters' backs for the goblins. 

    In order to hopefully prevent theft, the goblin clans send a squad of goblin guards that rotates every day. Each patrol will only contain goblins of one clan, and the clans alternate responsibility. The theft will not only increase tensions between the wizard and the goblins, but could possibly start a goblin civil war if the other clan believes the guarding clan to have been at fault.

There is a door to the south (to room 10) and one to the west (to room 5).  A long corridor to the east leads to room 13.

Room 10:  Dining Room

By Cameron Hawkey 

A large wooden door, carved with depiction of fruits, cheese and knives lead to this room.  There are no other entrances or exits.

(40'x30', green plaster walls and 20' ceiling, wood floor, clean). There is a 1/6 chance that the Wizard is here having their monthly dinner (waited on by a gelatinous cube) with one of the goblin clans (3d6 members present) and Noya from room 4 (the imps are not invited). A lit candle chandelier hangs by a chain 10' above a long banquet table lined with chairs in the center of room. A painting hangs in a niche on the western wall and a preparation table is in the southwest corner, and on the southern wall 1d6 wheels of honeyed cheeses hang in nets from the ceiling.

>>The wooden dining table (20') has 6 chairs on both sides along its length, with a matching pair of finely carved upholstered chairs at both ends. Two large candelabras are spaced along the table. Next to the western candelabra is a stack of porcelain plates, and adjacent to them on a single white plate is wedge of royal blue cheese. On one of the chairs is a dinner invitation from The Wizard (1:3 may stop minor encounters in tracks if presented with sufficient conviction).

>>The preparation table in the southwest corner has a cutting board with a wheel of cheese (hard, holes, solid black) with a wedge cut out, and a knife block with 3 cheese knives. The black cheese tastes nutty and is nutritious but happens turns your blood black permanently

>>The painting (oil on canvas, 5'x3', 900 GP if undamaged) in the western niche depicts a standing rabbit on a hill, holding a bugle in one hand and a slingshot in the other. Behind the painting is a small niche with rinds of cheese (evidently forgotten long ago), an empty wine glass, and a single silver coin.

Room 11: The Cracker Kitchen

By Studio 315b

A stout wooden door leads to this room.  It is locked but the keyhole is surrounded by scratches - sticking a dagger in there and wiggling it around is sufficient to unlock it.  There are no other exits to this room.

Details: A great oven dominates the western portion of this room, and every remaining scrap of wall is covered in shelves, containing various baking tools and raw ingredients. Barrels flank the door, one containing flour, and the other water. The center of this room is dominated by a low table coated with crackers in varying states of completion. Large stone bowls hold rising dough, rough hewn iron sheets hold cooling crackers, and two adolescent goblins, each dressed in the garb of the opposing tribes, stand over flat stones, talking excitedly as they roll out dough to be cut into crackers.

The two goblins are Hysh (from the hard cheese clan) and Aruq (from the soft cheese clan), who met in the halls while exploring, and fell in love. The young couple are attempting to produce a cracker that can unite their tribes, so they can live together. PCs who offer exotic spices, or valuable advice for cracker-making will be offered bags of experimental crackers in trade and some information about the dungeon.

The crackers are decently made, if exotic in flavor and texture. Each cracker has a 1/6 chance of having a minor beneficial effect, such as +1 bonus to the next roll a PC makes.

Room 12: the hungry Merchant

By deus ex parabola

details: a cramped chamber with three cases of items against the walls. all are initially protected with a heavy, easily-picked padlock (10HP, plate ac, ignores attacks which deal less than 6 damage). on the fourth wall there is a 225cm ghostly-pale man (?) standing behind a counter strewn with oddities. his long digitigrade legs have razor-sharp dewclaws, and he introduces himself as Cen. the whole room is visible from the counter but Cen is distractible. if asked, Cen describes his items honestly. he is proud of his wares and slightly racist against those shorter than him.

Initially he sells:

1. null pond water. drinking from this bottle permanently removes your natural scent. dousing removes cheese odors. three doses.

2. helpful cane. a wooden stick to lean on. oddly, you can still grasp it when your hands are full.

3. fatal candle. all d20s rolled under the light of this candle come up as 1s or 20s. burns for ten minutes, can be relit.

Cen blames his problems (bored, sick of cheese, no customers) on the Hell-gate (room 14). he will ask the PCs for wine, sausage, and the destruction of that gate. he considers all of these to be equally challenging. on completion of one of his quests he will unlock another case, offer you one item as a reward, and make the remaining items in the case available for sale.

depending on how much the PC appears to desire the object, Cen quotes prices as follows: [Absurdly Expensive], [Half of Everything], [Everything You've Got]. if two PCs pool their resources he assumes they want the object very much and requires [Everything You've Got] from both. he accepts payment in all forms of coin and treasure, which he stashes behind the counter

red footlocker:

4. skeleton key. when inserted into a lock, the lock becomes a skeleton as difficult to defeat as the lock would have been to open.

5. occulted mask. the wearer cannot be understood or described as anything but The Masked Man. multiple wearers are indistinguishable.

6. not-knife. while held, this knife is invisible.

blue jewelry box:

7. rock ring. steel band, feathercut topaz. twiddle it like a dial to alter how movable you are, from 0% to 100% (humans and elfs are 100% movable by default, dwarfs and armored humans 75%)

8. witch ring. silver band, pink semiprecious shaped like a hair bow. while wearing this ring another merchant (Maple Syrup) knows exactly where you are. you can shout at the ring to try and get her attention.

9. anarchist's compass. a crystal disc four inches across. a needle inside points to the nearest explosive. when used as a lens world seems monochrome (darker shade = more flammable)

grey coffin:

10. truth ring. silver band, catseye diamond. the ring heats in the presence of liars, tightens when it hears deception. somewhat painful in the presence of politicians.

11. murderer's tophat. once a day, the wearer may cast Initiate Violence with 3MD. on a doom the hat is destroyed.

Initiate Violence R: Shouting distance T: [sum] creatures D: [dice] rounds Targets drop what they are doing and roll **Initiative** for a new combat. They take sides randomly, though the caster may decide how many sides there are.

12. obsidian lock. a padlock of black-and-red stone. once shut, the enclosed area can only be accessed by unlocking it: windows are darkened, walls are made indestructible. Cen does not have the key.

offered from Cen's side if you complete all quests:

13. magician's smallsword. blue-stained bone hilt, elaborate gilt knucklebow, black-and-white checkered blade. +2 medium weapon, cannot be used two-handed. all spells cast by the wielder are considered to have +1 [dice] value. responds to the name CONCERNED WITH ITSELF.

Cen

20HD outsider, perfect ac (can only be hit with a critical), morale 13 
movement: as angry velociraptor (36")
morality: unique height-based theory of the value of life (Neutral Evil)
intelligence: cunning and well educated, easily but condescendingly impressed by those shorter than him.
attacks: giant undodgeable laserbeam (save vs. death), +2 smallsword (1d6+2)
magic: Name Reassignment ("THIEF!"), 2MD, at-will

Cen rarely sleep, and when he does it is with literally one eye open.

Leading out of this room is a corridor heading north, and a door leading to room 14 (stoutly bared, Cen will not open it until the HellGate has been closed).

Room: 12b, (the corridors above 12): Planegnawer Maze

By Panic Pillow

Description:

Floors covered in thick layers of dust. Cobwebs are very noticeable in the corners of the hallway. This area doesn’t get cleaned by the Gelatinous Cube, a clear indication that something is wrong. 

Large sections of the hallway are covered with enormous mousetraps, one of which is triggered and contains a cow-sized ratlike creature, snapped in two. The rat-creature is a Planegnawer. The mousetraps have cheese to lure them. The traps either do lethal or loads of damage (enough to sever limbs), GM’s choice. 

Near portals you can see pawprints, the size of human hands, disturb the dust and lead into a dead-end. These portals form a simple maze. Planar creatures can only travel from point to point, they cannot stay in the interplanar space that the Planegnawers occupy. The portals are part of the Planegnawers’ burrow. Whenever they are used there is a 2-in-6 chance 1d4 Planegnawers take notice and begin stalking the PCs. 

Legend:

The red T’s aren’t solitary traps, but rather areas that cannot be traveled through without taking a few hours to safely remove the traps. (1d3 turn per group of trap). It is possible to quickly trigger them with a long stick, but this makes a tremendous amount of racket (roll for random encounter).

The portals are color coded on the map to help the GM guide the party - they are not colored in the dungeon. They are very faintly visible as a shimmer. but will be missed by an inatentive party.

The door in the west is barred, with different portals on either side. The portals are bigger than the door, so if characters try to break down the door they or their tools will pass through as if they pass through air. 

Planegnawer: Interdimensional vermin, attracted by dimensional portals. Love cheese. 

Defence: as leather; HD 2; Move as a dog; Morale as cowards. Will run after a nasty hit or when unable to scare PCs away. 

Infecting Bite: 1d6, or 2d6 when on top of someone. Save or get an interplanar disease. 

Planar Tackle: the Planegnawer digs through reality itself and seemingly disappears. Next turn it hurls itself back into this world. Save or get tackled to the ground and shoved backwards (potentially in a trap).

ROOM 13: The Cursed Chamber

By vayra

The corridor here widens slightly, forming a small square room with an alcove off to one side. A canvas tarp covers the floor the center of the room, held down by fist-sized stones around the edges and sagging slightly in the middle. The alcove to the north holds a hewn stone cube with a crown crudely etched into the face and the elaborately worked hilt of an actual sword protruding from the center of the top.

The tarp is approximately 10' x 10', and covers a square, 20' deep pit of the same width. The area around the edge of the tarp is dusty, as is the tarp itself.

At the bottom of the pit there is the dehydrated and brittle carcass of a CHEDDAR CAIMAN, mummified by the dry conditions. Rehydrating it will return it to life. If broken open (which prevents future revival), it contains the partially digested remains of two others of its species and a collection of thoroughly chewed golden candleholders worth approx. 30 gp.

The sword can be hauled out of the stone block in the alcove with a successful Strength check, upon which the block crumbles. The sword deals double damage to landed nobility, never misses when thrown at a target of it's choice within line-of-sight, and bears the name ALL WILL BOW - which it announces loudly when pulled from the stone or drawn from a scabbard. It is utterly convinced that whoever pulls it from the stone is the rightful heir to the highest office of the land by divine mandate, and will quarrel viciously with them if they do not pursue their claim as well as with anyone who does not give them the respect it believes they are due.

CHEDDAR CAIMAN

HD 2 HP 15 Size Medium AC 3 (AAC 13, DAC 7, hard cheese-scales)

STR 16 +3 DEX 10 +0 INT 3 -3 CHA 12 +1

Attack 15 melee cheddar chomp 2d4+3 crushing

Speaks Glimmer, greedily and maliciously

Notes Cheddar caimans are, for whatever reason, strongly attracted to gold and exult in tormenting and eventually devouring it.

Leading out of this room is a corridor that leads to room 9. Stairs to the east lead to an intersection.